“A wise person can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.” –Bruce Lee
A few years ago I read a passage in a book from one of my favorite authors (Mark Batterson) that stuck with me.
He talked about the importance of the willingness to look foolish.
He even discussed it as if it were a life “skill,” and something we should seek to preserve, no matter our age.
He suggested that the older we get, we lose this “ability,” and mostly become invested in looking smart to other people. And then he talked about how dangerous this can be for our psychological and spiritual development.
Before this, I certainly had never thought about the willingness to look foolish as a skill.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about this idea. Then I began to notice it every day, in my own life, and in others. Then I began to experiment with it, and see huge payoff.
Let me give you an example.
Plumbing
If there is anything I hate, it is being perceived as incompetent.
And after spending most of my 20’s in academia, I did not develop many “handy” skills at home.
I always hate being asked, “Well, how handy are you?”
If my wife is present for these questions, she might even let out an audible laugh, which really boosts my confidence.
Many of my friends can remodel their own homes, work on their cars, or perform basic service and maintenance on household items. Me? I’m not great in those areas.
I recently had to call a plumber for an issue at the house.
As he walked around my house inspecting various issues and performing his diagnostic, he rattled off all kinds of plumbing jargon. What made it worse is that he seemed to assume I had some knowledge or was already familiar with most of the terms he was using.
“Yeah we could put a ‘recirc’ on this…or a ‘PRV’ on this one…I don’t see a backpressure stopper…an angle stop…maybe it’s the vent stack… and you could go tankless.”
I nodded to give the appearance that I completely understood this complex barrage of terminology he was unloading on me, with the occasional “Right” or “Yep.”
I caught myself mindlessly agreeing with him and not really understanding anything he was explaining to me. Fortunately, I remembered my commitment to the willingness to look foolish—and decided to ask some basic questions.
As it turns out, he was happy to answer my questions and pass along his many years of plumbing knowledge.
Unsurprisingly, I learned some pretty important stuff.
I learned the location of the main water shut-off valve for my entire house in case of any plumbing emergencies.
I learned how to shut off all water-related items in my house if they had an individual leak.
He showed me how to adjust the water pressure for the entire house by pulling up a few tiles in my driveway, and shared how to quickly monitor for any leaks in the system.
I didn’t know any of these things before.
My willingness to take a risk and look a little silly resulted in several pieces of really useful and important new knowledge.
This incident helped me understand more clearly than ever before, that often the only thing standing in the way of learning, competence, and new knowledge—is me.
Those who are willing to let go of ego, set aside momentary embarrassment, and ask seemingly “dumb” questions, will eventually become much wiser and more knowledgeable than those who pretend to have all the answers, or try to preserve the image of appearing smart.
In the world of executive coaching, they often encourage “the dumb question.”
It’s amazing what happens when a coach asks a leader, or when a leader asks the team, the question that no one else is willing to ask because they are afraid of looking stupid.
Often, these “dumb” questions can snap a group out of groupthink, or generate new ways of looking at a problem.
I once observed a coaching session where the client was struggling with sticking to a daily fitness routine and the coach suddenly interrupted, “Why bother exercising at all?”
I mean, everyone knows that exercise is good for you, so why ask such a ridiculous question?
But the client proceeded to openly discuss all the positive things exercise had done in the past for their life in particular, and why it was important to them specifically. It took the coaching session in a productive new direction.
These things would never have been discussed if the coach had not had the courage to ask a seemingly absurd question.
I think this principle also applies in parenting. When I first became a parent, I was embarrassed to ask what other people were doing with their infants or kids. It turns out that when you admit you are struggling and ask around, you can get some really life-changing tips!
Now that I know this, I’m asking lots of friends how they are handling their teenagers because I don’t have teens yet and want to start preparing for some of the things I may encounter so I’m not caught completely off guard.
It’s interesting to me that Jesus apparently encouraged people “to become more like little children.”
This seems totally counter to what we hear from culture that we should “grow up” or become more wise and independent.
But the Greek translation of this text seems to indicate “a state of humility, curiosity, dependence, and lack of concern for social status.” One source I found said the statement implies “an acknowledgment that one isn’t ultimately in control.”
Couldn’t we all use more of that posture in our lives?
How many people miss out on a lifetime of learning because of pride or fear?
Let’s look at a few ways you can apply this starting now.
Take action now
- Do an experiment, just ask. Try asking a dumb question this week in an effort to learn something new. Maybe start with people you consider safe. The more you do it, the more confidence you will have asking questions.
- The more you practice, the more it becomes a habit. As you try this out, you will likely see the benefit, and begin doing it more.
- Observe your ego. Practice watching your mind and noticing any self-critical narrative. Try letting this go. You will likely have a lot of mental chatter, especially if you have perfectionist or people-pleasing tendencies.
- Most people want to pass on their knowledge. In general, experts want to share their expertise and people want to pass along what they know. It’s human nature and feels meaningful. Most of the time it’s not difficult to get people to teach you. Look for people who want to teach. This works to your advantage when asking questions.
- Ask older people. The longer I live the more I realize that certain things in life only come with time. Not always, but often. In a youth-worshipping culture, be willing to look for those with a few more decades of wisdom and life experience, and not just the latest social media influencer.
Have a great weekend!
Parker
Want more resources?
- The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier
- The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson
